sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
