With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize