Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's always time for handjobs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
