Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
