My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
