Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize