My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i drank out of a bidet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize