I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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