I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
