Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
