i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
