shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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