she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
