Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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