Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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