He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
