If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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