i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
