in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
