you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
