You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
