too bad you live with your parents still
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
