I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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