dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize