I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
