There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
