Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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