You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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