Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
