I can text with my tongue
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You ate ashes out of my bong
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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