oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize