im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
