It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
