I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
