You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
