I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
