It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please come you make the beer taste better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
