I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
