Acid is not a monday night drug
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
