Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
