doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
