I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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