I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
