I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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