PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
