last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
