Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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