note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
