used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
