last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
