is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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