I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
