she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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