so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize