We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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