Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
