I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
