This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
