My room smells like vodka and shame
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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