hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
