clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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