well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
