His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
