There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
