fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
