Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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