i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
