Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize