I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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