after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
