I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize