Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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