so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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