how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
