We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
