i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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