So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
