fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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