New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
