you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
