Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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