I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
