she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
