Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
