Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
