weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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