Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
