i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
a search helicopter?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
