I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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