It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My life is pants optional.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
