Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
