somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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