I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
