Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
