Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
