I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
