google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
