also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
