so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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