super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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