jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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