She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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