You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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